| How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk |  | Authors: Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish
Publisher: Harper Paperbacks
List Price: $15.99
Buy Used: $3.67
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Seller: internationalbooks
Rating:  244 reviews
Sales Rank: 235
Media: Paperback
Edition: 20
Pages: 286
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.6
Dimensions (in): 7.9 x 5.2 x 0.9
ISBN: 0380811960
Dewey Decimal Number: 649.1
EAN: 9780380811960
ASIN: 0380811960
Publication Date: October 1, 1999
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Product Description
Outline How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk is an excellent communication tool kit based on a series of workshops developed by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Faber and Mazli
Amazon.com Review
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk is an excellent communication tool kit based on a series of workshops developed by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Faber and Mazlish (coauthors of Siblings Without Rivalry) provide a step-by-step approach to improving relationships in your house. The "Reminder" pages, helpful cartoon illustrations, and excellent exercises will improve your ability as a parent to talk and problem-solve with your children. The book can be used alone or in parenting groups, and the solid tools provided are appropriate for kids of all ages.
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| Customer Reviews:
Showing reviews 1-5 of 244
 30 years later, it still works! August 25, 2010
Star (Northern California)
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
As a mother of a 2.5-year-old and a 5-month-old, I'm always looking for tips on how to be a better parent. I also don't have a lot of time to read. I therefore was doubly delighted to find this book, which gave me many valuable ideas for communicating with my children while taking only about a couple of days to read cover-to-cover.
"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" is structured as a practical manual, guidebook, and exercise book, which allows one to put the learnings into practice immediately. It focuses on 6 key areas in how we communicate with children, with a chapter devoted to each:
1. Helping children (and parents!) deal with their feelings
2. Engaging cooperation
3. Alternatives to punishment
4. Encouraging autonomy
5. Praise
6. Freeing children from playing roles
Each chapter, in addition to hands-on exercises and examples in the form of cartoons, contains some real-life examples from parents who had put these ideas into action. This no-nonsense, to-the-point approach is perfect for a busy parent.
While reading this book, I was able to put many of the insights gleaned into action immediately, with impressive results. For example, my older daughter had separation anxiety on her first 2 days at preschool, crying and desperately clinging to me every time I had to leave her. On the third day, when I applied the principles of validating her feelings, and letting her know that it's OK to feel sad, to my amazement she let go of my hand without any tears. I am convinced that if this can work on a 2.5-year-old, it will work on an older child.
The last part of the book, added for the 1999 edition, contains some follow up letters from readers received by the authors in the intervening years. It also contains some follow-up Q&A, such as a question on whether "time-outs" are appropriate (their opinion is "no").
In summary, I wholeheartedly recommend this book to any parent, grandparent, teacher, or anyone else who has children in their life. However, I would caution that this framework will work best with older children (preschool age and up), who can understand more complex ideas and communicate their feelings. For the younger toddler set, I believe other books geared to that age group would be more appropriate.
A must book if you are just starting a family (from toddlers [even teens]). August 10, 2010
Nuknuk (Springfield, VA United States)
If you are just starting a family, with toddlers (even teens), do yourself a favor, rent one from the library and read a chapter or two. I just wished I have stumbled on this book 5 years ago. The information on this book is very useful and practical. For us, some of the ideas are like "eureka" moments. I ended up buying a copy for myself to share with my wife. She is not so much as a reader but she found the book to her liking.
The book is simple and very easy to understand. There are illustrations that represent sample interactions/conversations between parents and kids; one column shows the wrong way and another column shows you the better way. I am sure we will be coming back again and again to the advices and wisdom in this book. It will be considered a reference book on my shelf.
If I have to think about a book for friends and relatives with kids, this will be one on the top of the list.
 Wow. August 2, 2010
memyselfandi
1 out of 3 found this review helpful
Glad I borrowed this book from the library before actually paying money for it. To be fair I haven't read the whole book... more like skimmed through most of it. If you are an angry, impulsive, explosive and generally irrational parent who doesn't take the time to listen to your child then this book is definitely for you. If you are rather calm, patient, kind, respectful and treat your child as a human being (even when *gasp* they are "acting up!") then you do not need this book. In one of the "situations" it uses as an example, it has the child speaking to the parent saying, "Stupid so-and-so did such and such to me. I want to hit him. And stupid so-and-so was the one at fault," etc. And they NEVER address the name calling. At. All. Ever. The whole gist of the book is let your kid talk (however they want, from what I can see) and insert, "Uh-huh," "Ooooh," and "I see," at appropriate intervals and your child will then feel that his feelings are valid, his identity is affirmed and will come to his own logical conclusion because of your superior listening skills. My title says it all. I am browsing through the other one-star reviews for some better reading suggestions.
Discipline without coercion, bribery, or yelling? Sign me up! July 27, 2010
Daniel P. Sniderman (Chicago, IL)
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
I am so glad a friend recommended this book! Our 4-year-old daughter had been struggling with some anxiety and "acting out" with the imminent arrival of her baby brother, and we'd been feeling lost about how to respond empathetically while still setting clear limits with her. By using a few simple principles in this book, we've seen our daughter become much more communicative, attached, and secure. She even does things without asking, that used to involve a huge power struggle! The most helpful suggestions, for us, have been a) offering our kid choices that make sense to her; b) involving her in problem-solving; and c) acknowledging her feelings and providing examples from our own lives.
I'm a clinical social worker, but somehow, as a sometimes-exhausted parent, I can't always apply the same basic principles of respect, empathy, and encouragement of autonomy that I use in my practice! I'd been feeling as if raising my voice and bribing/coercing my kid was the wrong thing to do-- this book explains exactly why that's the case, without making me feel as if I was a bad parent. The authors are empathetic to what parents go through, and how easy it is to fail to appreciate the child's point of view or work through problems collaboratively. Not once did I feel "preached to." Their stance is that kids are resilient in the face of our lapses in judgment, particularly when we own them and make amends, and that parent-child relationships can always change for the better even when faulty patterns have gotten established.
This book strikes a wonderful balance between respecting a child's point of view, and having clear expectations for the child's behavior that encourage growth and pride in oneself. I especially appreciated the chapter on praise, and how important it is to point out examples of behavior and skills as they occur, letting the child draw her own conclusions about herself, rather than labeling the child or making it about what WE want or what WE are proud of.
Even if you cannot sit and read the whole book, it's laid out in a browsing-friendly format, with illustrations and summary pages. Even if you cannot apply every single technique, the authors frequently reiterate the basic ideas behind the techniques, so you can "wing it" in the moment. Highly recommended, especially if you find yourself in a lot of futile power struggles with your child and want to find a more positive way to interact.
Takes the stress out of parenting. June 7, 2010
J. Flaherty (Maryland)
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
A must read for all parents! A very practical guide on what to say when facing a situation with your child that usually leads to a power struggle. This book teaches a parent what to say to his/her child that fosters respect between both of you. It really works! You'll want to keep this book close by at all times so you can reference it when you don't know how to respond to a frustrating situation.
I wish I had found this book sooner, but it is never too late to start building a healthy relationship with your child.
Showing reviews 1-5 of 244
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